Diary

Recently, I’ve been feeling unusually anxious, and it’s hard to describe this state. I’ve already started anticipating the rejection of my CSC application, looking forward to the stability of starting a regular job. At noon, Yao Dong called me to discuss work-related matters and mentioned that Professor Cai is also planning to study abroad, saying that upon returning, he could supervise Ph.D. students. Later, I came across a video by Geng on Bilibili, where he talked about wanting to pursue a Ph.D. in his 50s. I think it’s a great idea. The current issue is whether our abilities can support us in leading a relatively stable and smooth life. ...

How to evaluate today? It’s hard to say. Yesterday, I scheduled a medical check-up for this morning to assess my health condition in advance and avoid any issues with the upcoming pre-employment physical. So I got up early this morning and quickly finished the check-up at the hospital. The main focus was on blood and urine-related indicators, which were conveniently covered by the free check-up offered by JD.com. After the check-up, I was both thirsty and hungry, and since the free check-up didn’t include a breakfast voucher, I went to Kaihui convenient store across from the medical center and bought a bottle of water and a grilled sausage. Back at my place, I boiled an ear of corn my mom gave me yesterday. The corn lately hasn’t been very sweet—fruit corn seems to taste better. ...

Early this morning, I received a message from Professor Hu, which immediately got me anxious again. I quickly got up to check the progress of my CSC application, and sure enough, there was no update yet. My mom also called me early in the morning, asking if I was coming over to pick up some rice. I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. After getting up, I did laundry and took a shower. Then I lay in bed and finished reading Animal Farm—it was incredibly satirical and blunt. I bought the English original to keep at home, so I can read it again next time I’m back. ...

Today is the last day of the Dragon Boat Festival, which also means the end of our family’s brief reunion. Early in the morning, Mom and Dad were busy reheating and eating the leftovers. After breakfast, they had to catch their bus, so Huanhuan and I washed the dishes. Then we went to my sister’s place to hang out for a while and help carry some things. Ningning always struggles the most with goodbyes, unable to hold back her emotions. Manman, being a little older now, has gotten better at masking and disguising her feelings, trying to be the well-behaved child in Mom’s eyes. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. ...

I’m really feeling a bit homesick. Huanhuan and I got up early to catch the bus home, and Auntie cooked us some delicious congee. We bought a big rolled rice pancake at Sige, and as soon as we got home, we started eating again. These past few days have been nonstop eating. My parents planned to sell the corn to avoid it getting infested with bugs or mold from sitting around unused. They decided to sell it to my fourth aunt’s family for 1.2 yuan per jin. Before long, they arrived. ...

Today, we planned to go to Huanhuan’s maternal grandmother’s house. She had been inviting us to celebrate the Dragon Boat Festival in Chengguan for a while. Huanhuan’s father went ahead first, while we took our time at home before heading over. We also carried a bag of rice that Huanhuan had received from her workplace. The second aunt was there too and prepared a big table full of delicious dishes for us. We went out to buy some fruit—lychees were particularly expensive at 10 yuan per pound, but they didn’t taste very good. We’ll have to buy fewer next time. We also bought a pineapple (I’ve always thought it was just another name for the same fruit). The vendor’s “Dubai knife skills” turned a whole large pineapple into just a tiny box of fruit. It might have been better to peel the pineapple ourselves during the family gathering—that way, we could have avoided sitting around with nothing to do but play on our phones. ...

The news of my successful interview with the Emergency Management Bureau has already reached my teachers. This morning, both Teacher Hu and Teacher Dai messaged me to ask about it. Teacher Hu even joked that if the CSC (China Scholarship Council) doesn’t come through, he’d feel terribly guilty—hahaha. Of course, I don’t see it that way at all, and I reassured him with sincere gratitude. After washing the dishes and taking a shower, the entire morning slipped by. ...